"But what do you want to do long term?"

That was the question posted to me this evening over dinner. It is not all that uncommon for somebody in my life to ask me what the next steps will be. But nothing makes me cringe more than this question. And tonight, it came from my dad.

I get it. He even told me tonight that parents just want to see their kids in a better place than where they are. My mom jumped in with "Well, I think when she has an announcement she will let us know."

I've been told that I need to settle. I've been told I need to go back to school. This just takes me back to the dreaded days at Sony when I realized that I have to make decisions for me, because I am the one who has to deal with them everyday.

I'm happy with my life and I've been blessed with circumstances that allow me to live the way I do currently. I know its not forever but I also don't know what's next. Do I know what I will be doing in five years? Well, does anybody really? I think I want to end up teaching but I'm not ready to go into a traditional classroom yet. I do want to go back to school and I don't think that "time is running out" because I'm sure as hell not getting married in an old-fashioned wedding anytime soon. I don't know what my path is. I hardly know what I am going to be doing tomorrow nonetheless in two years.

Over the break, Cody and I discussed the future and what I told her was "My life is unfocused. And two years ago that would have really freaked me out, but right now, I'm really okay with that uncertainty." My philosophy as of late has been to stay put until something better comes along or until I can no longer do the job I am doing now. I told her to do what she needs to do because realistically, what I will probably end up doing, I can really do anywhere.

It's not a matter of disappointment anymore. It's more a matter of sleeping easy at night. But, I don't have the answers. When they come, I'll let you know. Until then, accept what is and just be.